5 ways to skip Monday altogether

By Death Wish Coffee — / Death Wish Coffee Blog

The best excuses to call in sick to work and go back to bed

By Angela Garrity, Guest blogger

When the alarm goes off in the morning, we all have two choices — get up and get ready to go to work or sit there and contemplate calling in. Maybe it isn’t the actual flu, but will your boss know? Probably not, if you follow these five best practices for calling in and getting away with it.

White text on a black background that reads "Work tip: Get up, stretch, take a break outside, get in your car, drive away, go to the airport, leave, never go back to work again."

  1. Choose the day, carefully. Don’t call in sick on Mondays, even though this day of the week is truly awful. Save playing hooky day for a Friday, when most don’t dare to push the envelope in their favor.
  2. Have an iron-clad excuse for skipping the workday. A favorite that no one will question nor will any boss want employees near the office with — head lice (diarrhea if we're being honest). This one works every single time, regardless if you have kids or not. Trust us, no one wants possible office contamination and will likely thank you for staying home.    
  3. Keep the excuse brief. Most people go into too much and tend to ramble, thus making it clear they’re lying. Remember the KISS method — Keep It Simple, Stupid.
  4. Sorry, not sorry. Don’t apologize for being “sick” or for the inconvenience of not gracing the office with your presence. Work will still be there when you get back and the business is not going to shut down just because you’re not there. It’s best to just enjoy the day, lying in bed without pants, watching crappy daytime t.v. that you are continually missing because of your work schedule.
  5. Stay off social media. If you’ve elected to skip out on work, your work friends are the enemy and cannot be trusted during this time. They will question how you can possibly be stricken with a stomach virus if you’re posting about scoring front row seats to Maiden. Word could get back to the boss, so it is best to just observe the cyber world and avoid interacting with others via the internet until you’re “feeling well enough to return to work/"

Work sucks, we get it. The Balance Careers provided a list of the worst excuses for missing work that includes “the employee was blocked in by police raiding her home,” “the employee was bitten by a duck” and “the employee had better things to do.” Well, of course we do, but what the boss doesn’t know won’t hurt anything, right?

Related: 5 ways to have a better Monday


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